I was taught to find my fulfillment through work
— but that's not the main place I find mine & it made me feel like something was wrong with *me.*
I was raised in a world {a.k.a. private college prep school K-12} where work was the key to fulfillment.
Getting stellar grades and going on to an Ivy League so you could climb to the top of the corporate ladder, was exemplified as the very best {& only} path you could possibly take.
But it didn’t fit for me. It never did. I was just too young & naive to admit that, even to myself.
Instead I took it as — there was something wrong with me for not caring as much as my peers seemingly did about A+s and acceptance letters. And as a very self-conscious kid, I made myself bad and not enough for feeling differently in this way.
At that age, school was basically my entire life, and I was the outlier.
So I did what most kids do and I tried my darnedest to fit in. I learned to be a “good girl” and put my blood, sweat & tears {literally} into striving to be that A+ student, even though I truly couldn’t give a damn about mastering pre-calc.
I did everything I could to fit into the box that was placed before me as the world around me urged me to get inside of it and close the lid.
I didn’t yet know that my path was good and worthy and valuable too.
Now?
I’m more fulfilled than I ever was back then.
I’m no longer picking at my imperfections and shaming myself for not “being like everyone else” {whatever the hell that means!}
I’ve gone after {and accomplished} my biggest goals in life. Goals like studying abroad during college to broaden my horizons, and saying ‘yes!’ to culinary school when I found out that was an option, or finding & marrying the love of my life and moving back to Italy for a time together.
I’ve gone from hating and despising, to loving and cherishing myself. And building the most beautiful life I used to never believe would get to be mine.
After decades of battling chronic depression, anxiety & social anxiety, I now hardly ever experience bouts of depression, can’t remember the last time I had a panic attack, have cut my anxiety in half (if not more), and am the most comfortable in my own skin that I ever have been.
I cherish every day and make the most of it in my own way; no longer clinging on, just trying to survive and make it through the day, begging for sleep to come quicker.
I took a risk to move out of state and be much farther away from so many people I love, to come to a place I was inextricably feeling called to. And I’ve been rewarded with more easy-come peace & joy than I’ve ever felt before. My abundance & life just keep expanding here more and more, like a flower unfurling as it blossoms.
I do work in the world that aligns with my values and the impact that is on my heart to make. My schedule is my own, which fills my life with freedom. And I get to be the artist that I am.
These are the things that fulfill me.
For me, these are the “accomplishments” that matter most. And let me tell you — that it has been a process to get to this place of accepting, embracing & even celebrating that.
But I am forever grateful, grateful on the daily, that I am here now.
Because in this place of welcoming home my dreams for myself, of following my own path, and letting go of the heavy weight of those “shoulds” —
I have been happier & more fulfilled than I ever thought possible.
This is why I write this publication. This is what I want for you too — if you want it for you.
I want to show my journey, my learnings, and where it’s brought me, and give you the whispered-in-your-ear reminder, the gentle nudge, and the loving permission-slip to go after what it really is you desire too.
To build the beautiful life that you can’t stop thinking about, whatever it is that’s on your heart.
To take risks and leaps and bounds into the unknown in the name of what you love.
To accept & embrace your vision, even and especially if it looks wildly different from someone else’s.
I believe in you.
